Latest news with #Cornell University
Yahoo
08-08-2025
- General
- Yahoo
13 Reasons Saying 'No' Feels So Damn Hard—But So Necessary
Saying "no" is one of those things that seems like it should be simple, but somehow, it isn't. We've all been there—juggling too many responsibilities, saying "yes" when we want to say "no," and finding ourselves stuck in commitments we never intended to make. It's not just about declining an invitation or refusing to take on extra work; it's about setting boundaries and reclaiming your time and energy. So, why does it feel so hard to utter that tiny, two-letter word? Let's unpack the reasons and see why saying "no" is something you really need to get comfortable with. 1. Fear Of Disappointing Others One major reason saying "no" feels tough is because you're afraid of letting others down. You've been taught that being agreeable and accommodating makes you a good friend, partner, or colleague. The thought of seeing disappointment in someone's eyes when you decline can feel unbearable. According to Dr. Vanessa Bohns, a social psychologist at Cornell University, people often overestimate the negative impact of saying "no" and underestimate how much understanding others can be. This fear can lead to a cycle where you say "yes" to avoid that immediate discomfort, only to regret it later. The desire to avoid disappointing others can make you feel like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. You want to be there for people, but you also need to take care of yourself. It's a balancing act that often tips in favor of others when it shouldn't. Saying "no" doesn't mean you don't care; it means you're choosing not to overextend yourself. The reality is, people who truly care about you will understand and appreciate your honesty. 2. Concern For Burned Bridges You might worry that saying "no" will damage relationships or lead to missed opportunities. This fear can be particularly strong in professional settings where networking and connections are key. It's easy to think that one "no" could close doors permanently, but that's rarely the case. Most people appreciate honesty and value those who are upfront about their limitations. In the long run, being open about what you can and cannot do fosters respect and trust. It's essential to remember that relationships built on the expectation of constant agreement are not sustainable. Real connections thrive on authenticity and mutual respect. Saying "no" when necessary can actually strengthen relationships by setting clear expectations. People will know where they stand with you and will likely feel more comfortable being honest themselves. In this way, saying "no" can actually help you build stronger, more authentic connections. 3. The Guilt Factor Guilt is a powerful emotion that can make saying "no" incredibly difficult. You might feel guilty because you think you're being selfish or unhelpful. This guilt often stems from societal expectations that you should always be available and willing to lend a hand. According to Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, guilt is also tied to perfectionism and the fear of not living up to perceived standards. Recognizing that everyone has limitations, including you, can help mitigate these feelings. Understanding that guilt is a natural reaction is the first step in overcoming it. You're not a bad person for prioritizing your own needs—it's actually a crucial part of self-care. Constantly putting others first can lead to burnout, and it's hard to help anyone when you're running on empty. Accepting your limits and being honest about them can free you from the weight of unnecessary guilt. You'll likely find that people respect your decision and appreciate your honesty in the long run. 4. The Habit Of Saying "Yes" Sometimes saying "no" feels impossible simply because you're used to saying "yes" all the time. It becomes a reflex, a habit that's hard to break even when you know it's not serving you well. You've gotten so accustomed to being the go-to person that the idea of turning someone down feels foreign. This constant agreement can create a cycle where more is expected of you, reinforcing the habit even further. Breaking this pattern requires conscious effort and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone. Being a habitual "yes" person can make it difficult to recognize when you're overcommitting. You might not even realize you're stretched too thin until stress or resentment starts to build. Becoming aware of this habit is the first step toward change. Practice pausing before responding to requests; this gives you time to consider whether you truly have the capacity to take on more. Over time, you'll become more comfortable with the idea of saying "no" when it's necessary. 5. Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) Fear of missing out can make it incredibly tough to say "no." Whether it's an exciting event or a promising work opportunity, the idea of possibly missing something great can be paralyzing. A study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology by Andrew K. Przybylski and colleagues found that FOMO is linked to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. This fear can push you to say "yes" to things you're not genuinely interested in, just to avoid the feeling of being left out. Recognizing that you don't have to be everywhere or do everything to live a fulfilling life is key. It's crucial to remember that saying "no" to one thing opens up the opportunity to say "yes" to something else—possibly something that's more in line with your goals and values. FOMO often clouds your judgment, making everything seem urgent and important. Taking the time to evaluate what truly matters to you can help diminish this fear. By focusing on quality over quantity in your engagements, you allow yourself to invest more meaningfully in the things you do choose to do. You'll find that what you gain in depth and satisfaction far outweighs what you might miss out on. 6. Concern About Reputation Worrying about your reputation can make saying "no" feel particularly daunting. You might fear that declining requests will label you as someone who isn't a team player or who isn't willing to go the extra mile. This concern is especially prevalent in professional settings where the pressure to demonstrate commitment and dedication is high. However, consistently overcommitting can lead to subpar performance, which can be more damaging to your reputation than saying "no" when necessary. By setting boundaries, you ensure that you can deliver quality work on the commitments you do take on. It's important to recognize that a reputation built on overcommitting is not sustainable. People are more likely to respect you if you are honest about your limitations and deliver on your promises. Building a reputation for reliability is more beneficial in the long run than being known as someone who always says "yes" but often underdelivers. By prioritizing your commitments, you're able to maintain a standard of quality that others will appreciate. Ultimately, a reputation for integrity is far more valuable than one for constant agreement. 7. Difficulty In Being Assertive For many, assertiveness doesn't come naturally, making it hard to say "no." You might fear confrontation or worry about being perceived as rude or uncooperative. This reluctance can stem from a lack of confidence in expressing your own needs and boundaries. Dr. Deborah Tannen, a linguist and professor at Georgetown University, emphasizes that communication styles often influence how comfortable we are with assertiveness. Understanding that assertiveness is a skill that can be developed is a crucial first step. Being assertive doesn't mean being aggressive; it's about communicating your needs clearly and respectfully. Practicing assertiveness can start with small steps, like expressing a preference or opinion in a low-stakes situation. Over time, these small acts can build your confidence and make it easier to assert your boundaries in more challenging scenarios. Remember that being assertive is about respecting yourself as much as it is about respecting others. With practice, saying "no" will become a natural and essential part of your communication toolkit. 8. The Desire To Be Helpful Wanting to be helpful is a natural and admirable trait, but it can make saying "no" difficult. You might feel a strong impulse to assist whenever someone asks, even if it means sacrificing your own time and energy. This desire can create a pattern where you're constantly putting others' needs before your own. While helping others is rewarding, it's crucial to recognize when it's at the expense of your well-being. Balancing your desire to help with your personal boundaries is key to maintaining your own health and happiness. It's important to remember that you can't pour from an empty cup. Overextending yourself in the name of being helpful often leads to burnout and resentment. By saying "no" when necessary, you're ensuring that you have the energy and resources to be genuinely helpful when it truly matters. Instead of feeling guilty for saying "no," try to see it as preserving your ability to help in a more meaningful way later on. In this way, saying "no" becomes an act of self-care that ultimately benefits everyone involved. 9. Uncertainty About Priorities Not being clear about your priorities can make it hard to say "no." When you're unsure of what's most important to you, every request can seem equally urgent and necessary. This uncertainty can lead to a scattered focus where you're trying to juggle everything at once, often unsuccessfully. Taking the time to define your priorities can provide clarity and make decision-making easier. With defined priorities, you're better equipped to evaluate requests and decide which ones align with your goals and values. When you know what's most important to you, saying "no" becomes less about turning others down and more about saying "yes" to what truly matters. This shift in perspective can make declining requests feel less daunting and more empowering. It's about aligning your actions with your values and ensuring that your time and energy go to the things that matter most. By being clear on your priorities, you can make decisions with confidence, knowing you're focusing on the right things. This clarity can bring a sense of peace and direction to your life. 10. Fear Of Judgment Fear of judgment can make saying "no" feel intimidating. You might worry about what others will think or say about you if you decline their request. This fear can be particularly strong in social or work environments where you're concerned about how you're perceived. It's important to remember that people are often more understanding than you anticipate. Most individuals respect honesty and recognize that everyone has their own limits. Overcoming the fear of judgment involves building confidence in your decisions. By focusing on your own values and priorities, you can reinforce your reasons for saying "no" and feel less swayed by others' opinions. Remember that everyone has to say "no" sometimes, and it's a normal part of maintaining healthy boundaries. You're not alone in your need to prioritize your own well-being. Learning to trust your own judgment is an important step in becoming more comfortable with saying "no." 11. Lack Of Practice If you're not used to saying "no," it can feel awkward and uncomfortable. Like any skill, it takes practice to get comfortable with setting boundaries and declining requests. The more you practice saying "no," the more natural it will become. Start by saying "no" in low-pressure situations to build your confidence. Over time, you'll become more adept at expressing your boundaries in a variety of contexts. Practicing saying "no" allows you to develop your own style and approach. You'll learn how to communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully, which can help reduce any discomfort or awkwardness. As you become more experienced, you'll also learn how to handle any pushback or resistance you might encounter. Remember that it's okay to feel uncomfortable at first—it's part of the learning process. With practice, you'll gain the confidence and skill to say "no" when it's necessary. 12. The Illusion Of Control Sometimes saying "yes" to everything can give you a false sense of control. You might feel like you're managing everything and keeping everyone happy, but in reality, you're spreading yourself too thin. This illusion can make it difficult to see the value in saying "no." By trying to control everything, you're actually losing control over your own time and energy. Recognizing this can help you understand the importance of setting boundaries. When you say "no," you're taking control of your own priorities and focusing on what truly matters. This shift can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life where you're not constantly overwhelmed. By letting go of the illusion of control, you can embrace a more realistic and sustainable approach to managing your commitments. Saying "no" becomes a powerful tool for reclaiming your time and energy. It allows you to focus on what you can genuinely control and make the most of your resources. 13. Emotional Attachment To Outcomes Emotional attachment to outcomes can make it challenging to say "no." You might feel invested in the potential success or satisfaction that could come from saying "yes." This attachment can cloud your judgment and make it difficult to see when saying "no" is the better option. By focusing on desired outcomes, you risk overlooking the immediate impact on your time and well-being. Recognizing this can help you make more balanced decisions. It's important to remember that not every opportunity is worth the emotional and physical investment. By saying "no," you're not closing yourself off to success; you're prioritizing your own well-being. You're also making space for opportunities that align more closely with your goals and values. Learning to detach from specific outcomes can help you make decisions that are in your best interest. This detachment allows you to see the bigger picture and make choices that support a more balanced and fulfilling life. Solve the daily Crossword
Forbes
08-08-2025
- Business
- Forbes
Why Lateral Career Moves Still Feel Risky—And What Leaders Can Do
Career growth inside companies still follows a narrow script—progress often defined by vertical movement alone. Lateral career moves—shifts across functions, divisions or geographies—rarely carry the same weight as upward ones, even when they build more range. That perception keeps many employees from considering them, even when the move might offer the most learning and the broadest exposure. Gallup's Q4 2024 research reveals the gap: while nearly 70% of employees are looking for a new role within their organization, only 28% would consider a lateral one. Those who do make such moves report lower clarity, less alignment with their strengths and less frequent recognition. The long-term benefits are real, but the short-term experience is often discouraging. To understand the deeper dynamics at play, I spoke with Michael Waldman, professor of management and economics at Cornell University, and Matthew Bidwell, professor of management at Wharton. Both have studied internal labor markets, mobility and career progression for years. Their research underscores a simple but often missed truth: access isn't enough. Without clarity, support and cultural reinforcement, even the best-designed mobility programs stall. Why Talent Marketplaces Alone Aren't Enough Internal talent marketplaces promised a new era—matching employees to opportunities in real time, breaking down silos and reducing reliance on personal networks. But the reality is more complicated. Waldman explained why: 'The manager doesn't want to lose their better worker because that hurts their bonus—and firms don't usually give bonuses for workers who are promoted out of your division and do well. If they did, it could change those incentives.' He also pointed to the signaling challenge. 'Promotions signal ability. Giving someone more responsibility without a title change doesn't send a clear signal to others that they've developed.' Bidwell added, 'Managers aren't rewarded for being net contributors to the broader company. They're rewarded for getting their team's work done, not for releasing talent into the system.' And yet, Waldman's research shows a clear upside: workers who are laterally moved are more likely to be promoted and experience greater wage growth over time. The path exists, but too few are supported to take it. 'Most lateral moves still happen through informal networks,' Bidwell said. 'If that's the only route, a lot of people get missed.' The Ladder Reflex In most leadership conversations I've been part of, career development still starts with a vertical frame. Talent reviews focus on 'next steps,' usually defined as the next level up. Growth is still most often defined as moving upward. I've watched org charts become templates for potential. Candidates plotted, 'ready now' or 'ready soon' labels attached, and the expectation set: wait your turn, move higher. But the best organizations interrupt this pattern. They begin talent reviews by asking who moved across the business. They look for transitions that added capability across functions, not just within them. Some lateral moves come with more responsibility but no support—what Dr. Laurence J. Peter called pseudo-promotions. They keep talent in the company but do little to help them grow. Waldman points out that without context, new teams often don't know what an internal hire brings, forcing them to prove themselves all over again. And in a world where AI is reshaping roles, skills and teams, clinging to vertical models only narrows future options. Consider Priya, a high-performing marketing lead who transitioned into product strategy. The move looked smart on paper. In practice, there was no onboarding, unclear expectations and no acknowledgment of her prior success. Six months in, she was gaining traction—but the rough start left her questioning whether her company truly supported internal mobility or just talked about it. Priya's experience reflects a broader issue: lateral moves are often treated as individual experiments rather than shared commitments. Now take David, a finance manager who moved into operations. His company had built a clear internal mobility system: a regularly updated skills inventory, a dedicated career advisor and a playbook for onboarding internal hires. His first month was structured around learning, with clear milestones reviewed by both his former and current managers. A year later, he'd led a cost-reduction initiative that drew on both his finance background and new operational insights. That move positioned him for an executive role the following year. David's success wasn't just about his ability. It was shaped by the system around him. What Great Companies Do Making lateral moves work requires more than a platform. It takes visibility, structural support and shared accountability. As Waldman noted, 'There are lots of things firms can do to avoid talent hoarding, but those things are costly—so sometimes they don't happen.' Bidwell emphasized that preparation matters just as much as the move itself: 'Often a lot of the process happens before the move—building skills, offering short‑term opportunities to prepare someone for the shift.' He also pointed to what kind of lateral moves tend to matter most: 'People who seemed to be benefiting were the ones moving to a different function. Getting broader functional experience, learning more about how the business operates—that was more valuable than doing the same thing somewhere else.' So what does it take? Here are six strategies to help lateral career movement become a growth engine, not a sideline. Six Ways to Make Lateral Moves Work Share stories of lateral moves in company updates—not as policy footnotes but as real growth journeys. Celebrate them with the same energy as promotions. They signal momentum. Internal movers need a reintroduction. That means a thoughtful onboarding plan, context around their past wins and the same level of support you'd give an external hire. Don't just show vertical paths. Highlight real examples of lateral steps that unlocked broader roles later. Show that sideways can lead forward. Reward leaders who grow and release talent. During talent reviews, ask: who developed across the business this year? What enabled those moves? Create roles or programs that help employees explore new functions, assess transferable skills and prepare for moves. Layer in learning pathways built specifically for internal transitions. Make it part of the culture—not just the scorecard—to celebrate leaders known for developing and moving talent. And track who never does. Hoarding is a systems issue, not just a personal one. Building A System Around The Lateral Move When lateral career moves are overlooked or unsupported, companies don't just stall talent. They stall possibility. Innovation slows. Succession pipelines shrink. Employees grow disengaged when the only visible path doesn't match their skills. Lateral movement shouldn't be a gamble or a test of perseverance. It should be one of the ways organizations build range, depth and future leadership. As Bidwell put it, 'If talent mobility is invisible, it doesn't feel like a real option to the employee or the manager.' Movement alone doesn't shape careers. It's what surrounds the move—support, visibility, and context—that defines its impact.
New York Times
24-07-2025
- Science
- New York Times
Hints of Life on Exoplanet Recede Even Further
In April, a team of scientists based at the University of Cambridge claimed that a planet orbiting a distant star bore a possible signature of life. The announcement kicked up a fierce debate among astronomers, with many skeptics arguing that the evidence was too ambiguous. Now a NASA-led team has made a new set of observations of the planet known as K2-18b, which lies 124 light-years from Earth. They have provided a clearer picture of the planet — confirming the presence of water, perhaps even as a liquid ocean. But the new observations have failed to confirm evidence for life. In the original study, the Cambridge team claimed that K2-18b appeared to have a gas in its atmosphere that on Earth is produced only by living things. The NASA study did not find strong evidence for that gas. What's more, the NASA team argues that even if the gas was on K2-18b, it might have formed through mere chemistry. What once seemed like a promising clue of life — a biosignature — might be a mirage. 'A key takeaway is that biosignatures are going to be hard, no matter what kind of planet we are talking about,' said Jacob Bean, an astronomer at Cornell University, who was not involved in the study. The NASA team, working with the leader of the Cambridge group, posted its new results online last week. The scientists have submitted the study to a scientific journal for publication. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
